Via Long Island Loves:
Oh yes, yes it can. It was in fact so bad, that I was inspired to write a post about it.
I was sure all the critics were wrong about The Tourist. Even RottenTomatoes, I was sure all those reviewers were on crack. Looking at the previews alone it should have been phenomenal. (“Should” being the operative word in that sentence.)
First of all we have Johnny Depp… guaranteed box office hit right there, isn’t it? With his dreamy eyes and his rugged look going on. Okay so maybe I’m just saying that cause I have a teensy crush on him… but so do the other half of the girls in America! And then Angelina Jolie… hot, sexy, big-lipped Angelina Jolie. I’m sorry, but with the two of them this movie should have been down right orgasmic.
But instead The Tourist was a sad flat little balloon wallowing away in a puddle. Depp and Jolie were surprisingly boring as an on-screen couple. I still can’t quite put my finger on why that was or who I should be blaming for it… There was literally zero spark, zero passion, zero hot steamy sex scenes… nothing. If I wanted to see that little of a connection I would’ve read a book with one eye closed while taking a cold shower upside down.
Before I start on my rant of the plot line, (*semi-spoiler alert here – if you still want to see it that is…) I will give it an A+ for the crazy ass twist at the end. That was by far my favorite part of the movie, as it was the only part with any real passion and excitement. Though the execution of the twist itself was quite good, the facts leading up to said ending were just a tad bit odd and made absolutely no sense in retrospect. Like the scene when he calls down to the front desk and is all like “woahh… these people are shooting at me!!! por favor (he’s in Venice just so you know)… help!” If he was really the fabulous Alexander then why on Earth would he call the front desk instead of just running away!
And can you even stand the slowness of that damn boat chase scene! I’m sorry, but when people are running alongside the boat they’re trying to catch it means a) you’re not going fast enough, and b) that the audience is most likely yawning and waiting for it to be over. Talk about under-excitement. That was literally one of the lamest “chase scenes” I have ever seen to date… and I watch romantic comedies… yeah, it was that bad.
I just want to know one thing… do movie producers not screen these films with anyone before they are done with production? Wasn’t anyone like, “well, this wasn’t such a good movie, maybe you should tweak it a bit”? Anyone? Even if they paid me a single buck from their $100 million budget I would’ve told them to fix that shit before letting people pay $12 of their hard earned cash to be bored to death in theaters.
This movie is pretty much screwed. It seems that everyone, including myself, can not accept the fact that this was a bad movie. I was shocked, actually quite terrified, to see the horribly bad critics for a movie I expected to be one of the best ones of 2010. After walking out of the movie, I actually found it rather genius. However, after reading this, I have to admit that everything that made the movie seem so good was the brilliant ending. It was acted and installed in one of those stunningly perfect theatrical moments - or wow moments. All of the wheels were clicking in and the viewer was struck with the wickedness and wit of the whole plot. The rest of the movie though, was boring and lacked interest in every possible way.
Verdict: Rotten Tomatoes is bloody right. Just like it always is.
